Adam Sandler - The Buffoon and the Dean of Admissions

Текст песни

And now a buffoon’s meeting with the dean of admissions at a prestigious college.
Dean: Well Michael, I would like to extend my warmest congradulations
on your upcoming graduation and I understand you are interested in matriculating here in the fall.
Buffoon: I got a snake, man!
Dean: Yes, pets are welcome here on campus. Be it the traditional dog,
or cat, or even the occasional reptile.
Buffoon: One time I fed it some beer man! It was slithering this way
and that! It was all fucked up!
Dean: I’m sure it was. Well we discourage inappropriate drinking among
both students and pets here on campus.
Buffoon: Fuckin’Shit!
Dean: Yes, that’s a not uncommon reaction to this policy. So tell me a little bit more about your background.
Buffoon: My father’s a fucking asshole, man!
Dean: Hmm, I see. Your feelings of rebelion are not unusual at your age
son.
Buffoon: My mother’s a piece of shit too!
Dean: Well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility over the
summer so you can come to school in the fall relaxed and ready to learn.
Buffoon: My teacher in high school was a stupid bitch, man! She had her
head way up her ass!
Dean: Well the quality of the faculty at a University such as ours far
exceeds that of a local public high school.
Buffoon: Your secretary’s a real fat bitch, man!
Dean: Yes, she’s tried many diets over the years with minimal success.
Buffoon: I had diarhea last month. I had to shit all fucking day!
Dean: Uh huh, Well we all get the occasional stomach bug, never a pleasurable experience. So have you given any thought to your choice of major?
Buffoon: I’ve got a big fucking boner right now.
Dean: I see. Well sexual arrousal is not uncommon during periods of nervous tension. I do not take offense.
Buffoon: One time I ate my neighbors shit!
Dean: That’s understandable. Well, I enjoyed meeting you. We’ll be sending you our decision by the end of the month.
Buffoon: I bet you got really hairy balls.
Dean: Yes, it’s a veritable forest down there. Bye bye.